I'm generally not a jumpy, easily scared person....but I manage to startle myself on a fairly regular basis.
I think the problem is that my mind is always on, always turned up to 11 . So I tend to be forgetful or absentminded. I go to the supermarket to buy toilette paper and I get distracted because the cilantro is particularly fresh today and then I build a whole menu around cilantro and I make 3 trips back and forth across the supermarket because I forgot garlic and then I remember that I don't have any chicken stock...then I am out in the parking lot going "oh shit, I need toilet paper"
So the other day I left the house and did my usual back and forth in the supermarket (oh and making lists doesn't help because I just forget that I have a list) and when I come home right as I walk in the door a madman cackles at me and I jump about a foot in the air.
I had left the TV on. It was Miracle Max from the Princess Bride.
Damn you Billy Crystal!
A few weeks ago I had to go to the DMV to register a car.
I was running late and I couldn't find the damned title (I couldn't remember the "safe" place I had hidden it) so I kind of ransacked my apartment looking for it.
I go to the DMV, I go to work, and 14 hours later I come home to find?
I have been robbed!
Motherfucker!
Oh wait...no... I was looking for my title this morning...
About a month ago I jump into the Miata and I toss my book on the floor of the car. I get the MP3 player going , I turn the heat on, I glance up into the mirror and there is AndrewVachss looming in the mirror.
I jump. What the hell is Andrew Vachss doing in my back seat?!
In the next instant I realize that in fact it's just a reflection of the back of the book on the windshield that happens to show up right below the mirror.
This is, of course, ridiculous.
Andrew Vachss would not ride in the back seat!
He would sit up front with me.
We can talk about dogs and Burke and I can mention that even though the Prof supposedly talks only in rhyme I have noticed that many times his "rhymes" don't fit the classic masculine/feminine version of rhymes and I think that most readers are not aware of the different types of rhyme and may in fact think the prof actually doesn't always speak in rhyme...
(masculine rhyme: at the end of the sentence: Spain, main, rain)
(feminine rhyme: on the penultimate syllable: stinky,pinky)
um, anyway.
Also? The Miata has no back seat. Clearly he is not going to sit on the parcel shelf.
But I jumped out of my shorts for a fraction of a second thinking Vachss was in the back seat.
I think the problem is that my mind is always on, always turned up to 11 . So I tend to be forgetful or absentminded. I go to the supermarket to buy toilette paper and I get distracted because the cilantro is particularly fresh today and then I build a whole menu around cilantro and I make 3 trips back and forth across the supermarket because I forgot garlic and then I remember that I don't have any chicken stock...then I am out in the parking lot going "oh shit, I need toilet paper"
So the other day I left the house and did my usual back and forth in the supermarket (oh and making lists doesn't help because I just forget that I have a list) and when I come home right as I walk in the door a madman cackles at me and I jump about a foot in the air.
I had left the TV on. It was Miracle Max from the Princess Bride.
Damn you Billy Crystal!
A few weeks ago I had to go to the DMV to register a car.
I was running late and I couldn't find the damned title (I couldn't remember the "safe" place I had hidden it) so I kind of ransacked my apartment looking for it.
I go to the DMV, I go to work, and 14 hours later I come home to find?
I have been robbed!
Motherfucker!
Oh wait...no... I was looking for my title this morning...
About a month ago I jump into the Miata and I toss my book on the floor of the car. I get the MP3 player going , I turn the heat on, I glance up into the mirror and there is AndrewVachss looming in the mirror.
I jump. What the hell is Andrew Vachss doing in my back seat?!
In the next instant I realize that in fact it's just a reflection of the back of the book on the windshield that happens to show up right below the mirror.
This is, of course, ridiculous.
Andrew Vachss would not ride in the back seat!
He would sit up front with me.
We can talk about dogs and Burke and I can mention that even though the Prof supposedly talks only in rhyme I have noticed that many times his "rhymes" don't fit the classic masculine/feminine version of rhymes and I think that most readers are not aware of the different types of rhyme and may in fact think the prof actually doesn't always speak in rhyme...
(masculine rhyme: at the end of the sentence: Spain, main, rain)
(feminine rhyme: on the penultimate syllable: stinky,pinky)
um, anyway.
Also? The Miata has no back seat. Clearly he is not going to sit on the parcel shelf.
But I jumped out of my shorts for a fraction of a second thinking Vachss was in the back seat.
3 comments:
I love it.
I jumped today because I saw a head of brown hair kneeling beside the couch (I was alone in the house at the time). Then I remember that Cooper's rocking horse was in the living room. Yes...I was scared by a rocking horse. But it looked like a human head ready to pounce on me
it must be somethng we get from mom
totally...(giggle)
Conversations that Have Occured In our Childhood Home
ME: hey mom I'm home
MOM: AAAHHH WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
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