A new Feature!

I don't really write a lot about all the crazy stuff I've seen working at dealerships over the years.
I'm going to try to write one every once in a while as the good stories come to me.

We had a feisty older lady that was a dealership groupie.
First, I should explain.
A dealership groupie is someone who is around the dealership an inordinate amount of time;
way more than is necessary. It happens more at a family owned dealership than corporate ones. I don't really know why that is...but they come around because they are lonely and eccentric and they know they will get attention from the staff...it's kind of like being a regular at a bar.
This lady is a classic dealership groupie. She comes around and acts all comfortable with everybody. She feels fine talking smack to the staff. She acts like she knows everybody.
Usually a groupie buys one car and then lingers like someone staying too long at a party.
This one? She buys cars all the time.
She had a ranch and a church and they were always needing cars.
(we all were suspicious of the "church" it seemed more like a tax shelter...but I digress)
So she comes in one day and buys a car ....shooting her mouth off the whole time and generally getting on every ones nerves.
A couple of days later she comes back and asks to see her salesman. He's not available.
"Well you're not doing anything, you help me."
Yeah, I'm not paid by the hour? Helping you could cost me to actually miss getting a customer and therefore lose money?

Me: Sure! What do you need?
Dealer Groupie: Come here and look at this light on my dash.
(we walk to her car. She points to the tire pressure monitor light. If one or more tires has pressure below a certain percentage of the other tires it warns you. It's a symbol of a tire and it looks like danger is happening...wavy lines and all)
DG:What's that?
Me: hmm...have you had this on the highway since you bought it?
DG: yes, why?
Me: Did you exceed the legally posted limit of 55 mph?
DG: umm, yeah why?
Me: (putting a concerned, "oooh, no" look on my face) Was it in excess of 10mph over the limit?
DG: (trying to cover her tracks now) I...I don't know, I guess it's possible. I don't think so..
Me: I guess you haven't heard about the federal law enacted last year. Basically the NTSB enacted a law requiring that all manufacturers have a system on any new car sold in North America that monitors if the vehicle has been driven over the posted speed limit.
DG: So...what does that mean?
Me: (very cavalierly) It means you have voided your warranty, your salesmen must have covered this with you.
DG: What!? Nobody said anything about that! So I have no warranty coverage on a car I bought 3 days ago?
Me: Well...they do have a program where you can buy extended coverage....it doesn't cover nearly as much as the original warranty, considering you are a "speeder", but I think it's pretty reasonably priced.
DG: (gasping in a kind of fish on the deck way) Speeder?
Me: (casual shrug)
DG: So, what about the light, will it go off?
Me: Oh no, quite the opposite.
DG: Opposite?
Me: Yeah, actually the light will begin to increase in intensity...I can't believe nobody told you all this.
DG: It's going to get brighter? How bright does it get?
Me: In the training they said 8,000 lumiens. I really don't know how bright that is but I have seen the dash of a speeder who bought her car about a year ago and man...it's pretty distracting...kind of like when someone hits you in the eyes with one of those key-chain flashlights? I don't know if she's at the 8,000 lumien level yet, but...whew!
DG: are you serious?!

FINALLY! The words I have been waiting to hear! Oh how I love to hear those 3 little words. Are. You. Serious.

Me: naw, it's just a tire pressure monitor. Service can get you fixed up in a few minutes.

I have to tell you, I haven't had someone punch me in the arm that hard since jr. high school.