april fools

An extreme bout of ennui kept me from writing this yesterday on the actual "April Fools" day...but since I provide this wonderful blog gratis I'm ok with being a day behind schedule.


I worked for a dealership in Flagstaff that had as it's General Sales Manager one of the most heartless unendurable pricks I have ever met. Consequently I either quit or was fired from the dealership every 6 months or so because of some conflict between the manager and myself.

The morning of April 1st a few years ago I was in the conference room eating some breakfast when the manager Jeff walks in. He tells me that because of a drop in business and a less than stellar performance by me the month before he has decided to let me go. I tell him he's full of crap, I'm not getting fired because I am one of the best salespeople he's got. We argue for a few minutes and he finally says, " I've already made up my mind" and he puts his hand out for me to shake. I refuse, "I'm not shaking your fucking hand." and I go back to my breakfast.
Jeff leaves the room.
The door opens a minute later and in walks Rob. Rob is actually a good friend of mine. He says "So Jeff talked to you?"
I've got a mouthful of food so I just nod my head.
"Here's the thing man, Carrie is demanding that we cut at least one salesperson because we've got too many people. You know Jeff hates you so that's why he wants you gone. Here's my issue: you're a lot better salesperson than most of the guys we have here and you'll get another job in a heartbeat. Some of these newer guys may not be able to get a job right away....that's why I'm supporting Jeff on this."
I was instantly furious.
First because of the betrayal. Rob is my friend he's supposed to have my back. The secondary thing is the fact that the reason is so incredibly stupid. Why on earth would you fire somebody who makes you money in favor of somebody that is so inept you are concerned they won't find another job?
I was spitting mad.
LITERALLY.
I leap out of my seat. I try to speak but my mouth is too full of food. I rush over to the trash can and begin spitting the food out.
It takes a few tries before my mouth is clear enough to launch into a profanity laced, top of my lungs diatribe about the incredible stupidity of what he has just said and the complete lack of loyalty as a friend on his part.
Jeff hears me and pokes his head in the door. I unleash a few opinions about his character in the most profane way possible. I don't remember what he said next but it was enough to put me over the edge. I lunge at Jeff and Rob grabs me in a bear hug.
I should mention at this point that Rob is a cage fighter. He weighs 245 lbs. and stands 6 feet 4 inches. At this point in his life he has had a half dozen or so professional fights. The odds of me getting away from him are slim but I give it my best shot.
Now I have graduated to hopping mad.
Rob leans down and whispers in my ear " April Fools".
My head exploded.
Once I was calm enough to be let loose without the danger of someone getting hurt
and I had reassembled my cranium I said, "Who are we going to get next?"