Let go let...go

I was reading a blog Christina wrote recently. I started to leave a comment and then it started to turn unwieldy for a comment and more blog-like...so here we are.
She was talking about letting go.
Letting go of anxiety and fear.
I am in a similar place which is interesting because in many ways we are in very different places.
It seems like more and more she is becoming comfortable in her skin and growing into who she is supposed to be.
Maybe she doesn't see it that way but looking at it from my point of view, she is truly on a path. She has started at "A" Proceeded to "B"..."C - E " are on the horizon.
Her life is heading somewhere.
She has a good husband, good sons, a nice house ....a nice life really.
In a few years her boys will both be in school full time and she can do or be whatever she wants as far as a career is concerned. I am very envious of this. I wish I could go back a few years and be this aware of where I was taking my future...I have been simply plowing forward and hoping for the best.

As for me?
I'm a little bit lost.
I am on my 5th or 6th career and I think I have a couple more to wade through before I find my place.
I don't have a girlfriend or wife.
(not that I have really been trying to find one, but that's another Oprah...the whole issue of love is so complex. Sometimes you are somebodies type but they aren't yours...lots of weirdness...anyway, I'll figure that out later. I know that Eventually I will get a handle on everything. I just need time. I feel confidant that given enough time I will understand Everything.
I haven't got this one down yet. )
I don't even know where I will be living by the end of the summer. As I said, a bit lost.
But?
It's OK.
I know that whatever I decide to do next it'll be ok.
I will be able to find work. I don't fear being fired or not being able to find work. I know I will always have a position somewhere.
I know that once I figure out where I am going to be and what I am going to do: I will find work I want, I will find someone to be with...
I have always been able to get the girl...I need to work on keeping the girl now.
At the end of the summer I'll either stay here or move there. I am not worried either way. Both have their merits and I will focus on what is good about whatever the end result is.
The big thing is?
I let go of fear, I let go of anxiety...as much as is possible.
I don't mean to sound overly sanguine but the reality is...fear....
of loss, of death ...whatever?
It does me no good.
Certainly, the simple fear of injury prevents me from randomly walking into traffic...
I'm talking about the generalized fear that I am going to die someday.
I relinquish that.
Of course I am going to die.
So what?
Also?
I have nearly let go of material possessions.
Nearly.
I still love my cell phone and my lap-top and my car...and I really covet a nice lcd tv...
but I don't buy anything that I don't really need...part of it is the whole uncertainty of my future ( the whole end of summer issue?).
But...
If I break a glass I don't immediately go out and buy another. I think, "do I need 4 glasses? Can I get by with 3?"
So I had 3, then 2, now 1.
I have one glass.
When I want to drink I rinse it.
(and really? I mostly just drink water anyway)
I have a chair, a desk, a bed.
Clothes, computer, phone , car...that's it.
I haven't bought anything in a while.
I spent the last decade or 2 losing things.
(divorce, theft etc.)
and I am at the point where I am like Tyler Durdon.
"The things you own wind up owning you."
I am Graham Dalton in Sex Lies and Videotape.
My favorite line from the movie...it seems I am the only one who knows this line:
everything I own is in the car, and I just... I like that; you know, I mean, I just - if I get an apartment, that's two keys, if I get a job, you know, um, I might have to open or close, that's more keys...
I have keys to 2 cars, and a mailbox key.
I love how entirely clean and light my key chain is.
My life is portable in a Mazda Miata.
I live in such a minuscule amount of square footage... I have reduced my life to bare necessities.
It's all about letting go.
Of things, of desires, of fears.
Don't worry.
Everything is going to be fine, I promise.