My Crazy Friend Richard

In high school I had this friend Richard. Usually amongst my friends I was the friend to come up with and then carry out very stupid acts.
"hey lets jump off that bridge into the river!"
"No way, that's too high"
"No it' not ...watch!"
You get the picture. But frequently Richard was the one that would do stuff that had me shaking my head. One time we were riding our bikes and we saw these two little girls walking home from school. We cruised silently up next to them and right as we got parallel Richard yelled "BOOM!!" as loudly as possible.
Holy crap! Those little girls jumped a couple feet up and a couple to the left, like startled cats.
We cracked up ....about 3 houses down Richard turned around and went and apologized to the little girls. When he got done he said "are we still friends?" One little girl said yes and we peddled off.
Another time we talked my other friend Jhonny into taking us out ' geefing'
I don't know how the name came about but ' geefing ' is the practice of squirting people with the kind of fire extinguisher that is basically a large silver canister of water under pressure. You fill it up at the gas station.
So, we go out squirting strangers walking down the street for a few hours. On our way to drop off Richard he sees a guy a block or 2 from his house which seems too close to home to be squirting anybody but Richard insists that we get this kid.
So we pull up, soak the kid and speed off.
A few minutes later we are standing around in Richards driveway and who comes walking around the corner but the guy we just soaked.
It's not like we can run, and really why would we? 3 vs. 1 are pretty good odds.
The kid walks right up to Richard arms spread out in outrage, "what the fuck Richard?"
"Sorry Danny, I had to take the shot."
Danny says, "you're such a dick, dude." and walks towards his house. The house right next door to Richards house.
As he's walking away Richard says "hey, we still playing racquetball tomorrow?"
Without looking back Danny said "yeah."
Once the guy was in his house we cracked up. Richard looks at me, "hey remember that girl we scared the pee out of the other day? That's her brother."
It might sound like he was kind of a jerk and a bully but the reality is the only people that didn't like Richard were jealous of him.
Now, as charming as Richard was? His brother was a detestable little punk. His name was Tony or something.
One time I was staying the night at Richards house. We were hanging out in his room waiting for his mom to go to sleep so we could sneak out and go to this party at my girlfriends house. his mom went to bed at like 8pm or something because she was a nurse and worked really early. We're sitting in Richards room and his mom is in bed with her door open waiting for Tony to come home. His brother saunters in and on his way to his room their mom calls out to him. He stops in front of her door and stands there kind of swaying.
We are watching from Richards room and 2 things become obvious.
1) he's drunk.
2) his neck is a spectacular mosaic of hickeys.
This should be good.
Here is the conversation, verbatim :
Mom: where have you been?
Tony: don't worry about it.
M: are you drunk?
T: (incredulously, sarcastically) Nooo
M: what's that on your neck?
T: HICKEYS, WHY?! (At the top of his lungs)
Gold. Comedy Gold.

So Richard and I go to the party. It was a great party.
In attendance? Richard, me, my girlfriend and 6 of her best friends.
Great! we drink her dads booze, we play a game of spin the bottle with phenomenal odds of kissing a pretty girl. (Kelly was one of those hot girls who only hung out with hot girls)
Towards the end of the party we all end up in Kelly's room on the floor, in the dark.
Not as racy as it would seem. Basically we were all lying on the floor and the girls were picking our brains about why teenage boys do the stupid shit they do. I was kind of making out with my girlfriend and Richard was finally getting the chance to hold the hand of this redhead he liked.
(Or so he thought.)
The lights suddenly come on and it's the room-mate who was supposed to be keeping an eye on us but instead was smoking a lot of pot in her room.
"shit, you kids ain't doin' shit" she says and flicks the lights back off.
Eventually the party winds down and we are riding our bikes home.
Richard looks over at me, "what's that on your neck?"
I yell out "hickeys, why!"
"actually dude you do have a hickey."
"Shit. I've never had a hickey....This was a pretty good day, hunh?"
"fuck no it wasn't. Both you and my brother got hickeys and I got to hold a fucking foot."

That's right, when the lights came on he realized he was holding a foot, not a hand.