I have to stop eating out for lunch

The other day I went out to lunch at a local Italian place. Normally I would grab lunch and go back to work so that if a customer shows up I'm ready to work. This day I needed to get away for at least an hour.
I sat down in a completely empty restaurant. I literally was the only person in a restaurant that has 20 or 30 tables.
A guy comes in and gets a couple of slices of pizza and sits at the table right next to mine.
What the hell?
Then if that's not bad enough he starts eating his pizza wrong. It's big floppy New York style slices. The proper method is to fold it in half, but nooo. This clown starts cutting his slices into tiny little bites. So I have to listen to him slice, slicing away at his food instead of just being able to ignore the fact that he sat at the table right next to mine.

Yesterday I went to have lunch at Whole Foods. I went out on the patio with my lunch and sat at a table off to the side to enjoy myself.
A group of people comes and pulls 3 tables together right next to me.
Great.
Then they proceed to have a discussion about how hard it is to be a Christian in this town.
What? In Colorado Springs? Try living in a place like Portland or Austin.
They were going back and forth talking about how they feel like sometimes people they work with are watching them; looking for them to make a mistake.
I'm sorry but if you publicly profess to have a value set that most people are familiar with don't be shocked if people are expecting you to honor that.
If someone tells me they are a devout Jew and then I see them one day eating a ham sandwich and showing off their new tattoo I have a problem with that.
Not that I have a problem with ham sandwiches or tattoos. I do have a problem with the disconnect between what you profess to believe and what you do.
Boo-hoo, people are expecting me to act like a good Christian just because I profess to be one.
Then if that wasn't bad enough, once they ran out of whine, they didn't seem to have much to say to each other. I was really trying not to listen in but with them pushing their tables together I actually was sitting closer to some of the people at the table than they were to each other.
I got to hear juicy tid-bits like this
"What kind of cake is that?"
"Oh it's actually corn bread."
"wow that's a big piece of corn bread."
"Yeah, and you want to hear the crazy part? It's the smallest piece they had!"

Thank God I was there to memorialize and write about that stimulating exchange, no?