Taking My Temperature

I was doing that today. Not literally but....taking stock?
looking inward ?
(again? yes and again and again....when will the navel gazing cease?)
Do we ever feel as if we have a handle on things? Christ I am way too old for this kind of solipsism don't you think?
anyway.
When I get like this my insomnia kicks into high gear, my right calf tenses up (weird right? I get stressed out and I walk around with my right calf looking ripped..)
So I have to fight against my own brain...or turn to drugs...the last time I slept all night was the night I took 2 muscle relaxers, 1 vicodin, 100 mg of trazadone and sent that all flooding down with a Katrina style torrent of alcohol....
I slept like a Labrador Retriever on Opium...
but that's not really a thing you can do every night, right?
One of the things I do to self soothe is to try to remember the things Turbo has done...

So, in a new recurring feature?
"Who Peed In Your Cheerios....things Turbo did to me..."


when Turbo was but a toddler,( at this time named Hopper)...
we were potty training...which was fun, I put it right up there with doing your own taxes and dentistry...
It was a very hot summer. Hopper spent most of his time in those cool onesie t-shirts that snap around the crotch and have a weird criss-cross neckline. He could get out of those things like Houdini coming out of a straight-jacket the minute you turn your back. I spent most of that summer Re-dressing the boy.
We were sitting down to breakfast; 2 guys bellying up to a couple of bowls of cereal.
Then the phone rang...at the time we had about 1,600 feet of open space. we lived in a "kinda" loft. It was a bit of a walk to get to the phone...so I jump up and get the phone. As I come back into the "living room" part of this huge open space I see the boy
(BTW, at this point in his life Christina was calling him Mowgli...which is pretty apt at this moment)
he was standing on the table preparing to urinate on my cereal.
(ruminate on that for a second. let the image marinate.)
(Oh and in the boys defence? My bowl was the same color as the basin in which we were encouraging him to pee on a regular basis)
Yeah, he peed on my breakfast and I praised him for it and we made a big ceremony of putting my urine soaked breakfast in the toilet and flushing it "bye-bye"

so if someone asks me "who peed in your Cheerios?"
I say "Turbo"