Here I am.... setting off the Gaydar

About three weeks ago I was lifting weights and I felt a little bit of a painful twinge in my neck so I cut the workout short and went home.
The next day my neck was pretty sore. And the day after that? Lets just say anytime something was happening outside of my peripheral vision I had to rotate my whole body to see it. Instead of just, you know, turning my head?

So I head into the Urgent Care.
I tell the girl behind the desk " I hurt my neck lifting weights, thank God "
"thank God you hurt your neck"
"No thank God it's because I was lifting weights"
Here's the thing, isn't it just the worst when you wake up and you slept wrong and now your neck is all twisted out of joint? I mean, how can you fuck that up? Sleeping? Really?
Here's me at the Dr.'s

Dr: what brings you in today?
Me: I hurt my neck, I can hardly move.
Dr: how did you hurt your neck?
Me: well I was sleeping and then...you know, I hurt my neck.
Dr: you hurt your neck sleeping?
Me: yes I'm a very bad sleeper, I got it totally wrong last night.
Dr: but it's sleeping dude. how do you fuck that up?

ok, my Dr. generally doesn't swear or call me dude, but you get the point.
So this time I had an Awesome reason.
Then this quack gives me 3 Valium and 6 Vicodin and a pat on the butt and sends me home.
What the fuck is 3 Valium going to do for me?

2 weeks later it is still annoying me and I head back in.
The guy behind the counter asks "what brings you in today?"
I say "I hurt my neck"
the same girl is there and she says " I remember you. He hurt his neck lifting weights. In fact he was out in the parking lot bench pressing a Volkswagen Beetle"
I say " yep, training for the Worlds Strongest Man you know."
Then I go into my whole bit about the Worlds Strongest Man*
She pipes in with "they're all named Magnus" I come back with the fact that to place in the top 3 you have to be named Magnus.
So when the guy says, "your name?"
I don't hesitate, "Magnus Magnussen"
we're having fun.
I go see the Dr. and make sure to tell him that 3 Valium and a pat on the butt are not going to be acceptable this time.
We get done, I'm out having the girl finish up my paperwork and she says, "can I get personal for a second?"
('cause we're friends now, what with all the riffing and whatnot)
I say "sure" because I love when people preface things like that. **
"Ok, you're a very good looking guy"
I nod my "carry on" nod
but she reads that as my "yes, I know" nod.
"Oh but I'm sure you've heard that before"
"it's come up, sure"
"Ok, I have this single friend I was telling about you. I was saying how good looking and funny you are"
"did you mention intelligent and well dressed as well?"
"Of course. "...then she put on her "there's a 'but' face"
I say "but?" (and I have to be honest, I knew what the answer was going to be but I was hoping she'd say "but she's married" Lets be honest. Historically? I have a low moral threshold for that sort of thing, sue me.)
"Well, my friend is a guy."

Dammit! Erroneously outed again!?

* my bit about the Worlds Strongest Man is that it's ironic that we have these huge muscular guys that are these amazing athletes (and they really are, I swear) and yet the event is organized by a bunch of pot heads. Think about it, there is a room full of guys hitting a 7 foot bong and going:
"wait, wait, wait...ok, check this out, ok, the event is in Africa this year, right? Ok, so why don't we have them carry, like, a 700 lb. rock carved in the shape of Africa as far as they can? Right? That's like irony and shit!"
** if someone says to you, "nothing personal, but..." you know you're about to get insulted. But if you overhear someone say, "with all due respect.." perk up your motherfucking ears because you are about to hear some funny ass shit.