This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes

They record the calls and then they listen to them and go over a checklist with a couple of hundred things that I am required to say in a certain way and type the proper codes into the computer and somehow make it sound as if you and I are just having a friendly conversation about borrowing a couple of hundred thousand dollars from my bank.

I missed this one recently:"is the person registered as a member of a civil union in NJ?" hmmm...he's a single, retired actor, living in Oregon...so..."no"?
WRONG!...it should be NA because he does not live in that state and therefore the very question is not applicable...but wait...if he doesn't live in that state and is not in fact a registered member of a same sex couple the answer is NO, right?WRONG!
Whatever.
I had a customer today that fucking rocked. He was an actor in Hollywood for 30 something years. I looked him up on IMBD while I was processing his application...he appeared on Bonanza...the Incredible Hulk....CSI...He told me a story about doing coke with Nick Nolte (to be fair, anybody working in Hollywood for more than a few years was bound to have done a line or 2 with Nick...but still, that's cool)
He says, " We were writing the script for 48 Hours...it was getting late, I was tired, I told the guys I was going to head home to bed...Nick says 'no, here try this' ( he didn't do a cool Nolte voice which diminished the story somewhat for me)I said 'naw I've never done any drugs' 'don't worry we won't let you jump out the window or anything'
So I tried it. We turned into jabbering monkeys and didn't write another decent line that night" ...
If you are only going to do coke once in your life? That has to be one of the best goddamn ways to do it. I love the fact that that was one of my QA calls. Some tight assed QA dweeb had to sit through the Nick Nolte cocaine story. Awesome!