I'm not trying to kill myself, I swear

If you've read my previous posts you will know at least 2 facts about me.
1) I am dangerous. To myself.
2) I have a hard head.

Recently I combined those 2 skills and maimed myself, again, and tested the tensile strength of my skull.

Let me give you a bit of history.
If forced to ask what kind of animal best represents me, my parents would have been torn between Monkey and Fish.
I could climb the side of anything when I was little.
Trees. Fences.....I would shimmy up into doorjambs and sort of linger there and then scare the shit out of someone as they walked into the room. (but that's another story)
I was on the swim team from the time I was 5. I swam nearly every day from before the time I could walk...
So, I'm part fish. I love the water.
I was swimming laps recently. I haven't done laps in a few years. But lately in addition to going to the gym and lifting weights,I have been doing laps. I swim 5 regular pace
and then 5 sprints, right?
So I'm sprinting. I get to the turn and instead of doing a neat little flip and turning?
I slam my head and shoulder full speed into the wall.

Turns out I am capable of swimming full speed into a wall head first and not knocking myself out.

Good to know.

I pop up out of the water and grab my head. I look at my hand.
Blood. A lot of it.
Great, a bleeding head wound...again.
Really, how many times will I have a bleeding head wound?
How many has the average person had?

My whole life I have been falling head first out of windows onto rocks (why the hell is a rock right underneath my bedroom window? mom? dad?) Getting into rock throwing fights (how does a kid get hit in the head and have a bleeding scalp wound and not know it? I did.)
Oh, and what about the time a bicycle frame fell on my head?!
A classic '50s Schwinn Cruiser frame hung decoratively above a door dropped onto my head and dramatically bounced off my skull (that was a real crowd pleaser, believe me.)
I have had what 3...4? Concussions? (having multiple concussions makes it hard to actually keep track of how many you have had....it's a vicious circle, really)
But fortunately I have experienced no lasting trauma.
Oh, and what about the time a bicycle frame fell on my head?!

I look over at Turbo in the shallow end and say "did you see that!"
he says "see what?"
so I swim over and he looks at my smashed up dome and says "what did you do?"
I say " I swam head first into the wall as fast as I could"
(because I may as well have some fun with this)
He says, "riiight.....Why?"
I say "to see if I could swim into a wall at full speed and not knock myself out"

(hey.....look....one of the styles of parenting is to convince your kids that you can read their minds and that you are completely insane, and that you know everything.
And so far I am fucking killing it with the boy.
He is pretty sure I know what is in his head, I am knowledgeable about most everything, and ....clearly, I am totally fucking nuts, what with the random punching and swimming straight into walls)

He says "Did you knock yourself out?"
I say "nope"
he pauses....puts out his fist for a pound and says "Niiiice"

Hey, did you know that there is no such thing as a "swimming helmet"?