Are you a ...vegetarian?

I came into work on Saturday and I brought some food with me.
Turns out Saturdays are easy at the office...they're easy like Sunday morning...
sorry, piss-poor song reference..
anyway...the smell of the food I brought with me drove the ladies wild...so I am telling a bunch of hungry women what I brought..Pad Thai...noodles, chili's, tofu, cilantro, egg, peanuts.
"tofu!? what are you vegetarian?!"...
the only reason this is funny is that they said it the same way you would say "what are you a pedophile?!
It turns out in Colorado Springs "vegetarian" is tantamount to "gay"...thank god I am neither ...
I'm just a metro motherfucker who eats right.
Yes, I have clean nails and I dress well. I'm thin and fit and I smell nice, and I can cook like a bastard...
'fucking fag', right?

It kind of reminds me of when I first started trying to get healthy again...I quit drinking 3-5 cans of coke a day....I substituted water like a smoker chewing on gum and carrots and pencils...but my body craved the sugar still. So I started drinking orange juice. a lot. At least a carton every couple days. I 'd be sitting there at my desk negotiating a deal swigging OJ...here is where it gets surreal though...I had, more than a few times, some asshole that smokes a pack a day and drinks as if he is trying out for the Nick Cage role in "leaving las vegas " come up to me holding a 97 ounce tankard of Mountain Dew and say ..."you know that juice has a lot of sugar"
yes......Natural sugar you fuck wit!..ok...easy...you are better than them...
there really is no point to this other than...it turns out, if you try to be healthy and take care of yourself?
you are fucking weird.