Degenerate car dogs

Car-dogs are a degenerate lot.
In the car buisness you don't have the finest collection of men that society has to offer. I was considered a bit of a freak because I ...GASP! ...read things?!
I had a habit of sitting at my desk drinking OJ and eating yoghurt , fruit and granola and perusing the local police log to find out who needed to be bailed out.
That sounds altruistic...almost.
In reality I had a scrapbook that I kept. If you got a DUI? You were in my book brother.
If somebody pulled a no-show-no-call?
First call was to the house, second call? The Jail.
none of them ever really hit the big time ...other than Dave, the kid who got shot in the head over a girl, and Glenn who stole a check for $15k that he was supposed to take to the credit union for a payoff and instead figured out a way to cash it and bet it on a 15-3 horse and lose.
That boy had a gambling problem...which made him a great guy to go to vegas with. Free rooms at the Bellagio and Luxor because your boy has a problem?
Ok.
Whatever. I helped him rake in a pile at our local indian casino, it's not my fault he couldn't stick to black jack and make safe money.
anyway.

Normally if a car-dog got caught up at the jail it was alcohol related.
DUI, bar fight etc.

One kid in particular stands out.
Derrick. He was a 21 year old full blown alcoholic. Raging. He showed up most mornings bleary and reeking of alcohol.
I'll be honest. I miss him. He was the kind of guy who never figured out that he was not nearly smart enough to start some trash talking with me. Consequently I had a lot of fun at his expense.
I really felt as if I should have tipped him on occasion, because of all the fun I had at his expense. He was gullible, if you scared him he would scream like a girl...just lots of fun to have around...

So Derrick somehow managed to hook up with Balloon Girl.
Balloon Girl was this really cute blond chick who was putting herself through college by appearing at events/benefits/parties/etc and twisting up these amazing balloon animals. You name it she could twist it.
I am not making this up. A film crew followed her around for nine months making a documentary about this hot blond that goes to balloon twisting competitions/conferences and oh by the way she is going to medical school...
right?
so Derrick somehow gets this vixen to like him...and he fucks it up by cheating on her with his scag of an ex girlfriend
"hey she gives good BJ's!"
fucking loser.
so he starts drinking harder than before and gets a DUI.
and Then his life goes shitty.
His best friend /roomate OD's.
He feels responsible because he wasn't there.
So now he is on a jag. He shows up trashed at a barbeque we are having. He bails to get some food?
" I don't want no fuckin' house burger!"....
and goes to Jack In The Box...
ok...
he is just sober enough to order...but not enough to pull around.
the crew at Jack's can't rouse him so they walk across the street to the firehouse and get some paramedics.
Three paramedics rocking his car manage to wake him.
He blips down the power window and says
"Is my fucking food ready?!"
to shorten the tale a bit? he refuses medical treatment and instead goes to jail.
(wouldn't have been my choice...)
next day ? no Derrick at work...but an awesome story in the paper.
So, Wally goes down to check on the kid and see if he can't be sprung.
But wait!
Wally himself has a pesky little drunk and disorderly warrant so he gets tossed in with Derrick!
Our manager calls a meeting.
"Who here DOESN'T have any warants?"
Susan, Myself and Steve raise our hands definitively
(our collective age is over 120 years. I am the baby at 31)
the rest of our ragged band either keeps their hands in their lap out of propriety or, tentativly, kinda , sorta raises their hands..

Steve and I take a corporate checkbook and a used Maxima and go bail the chumps out.
Good Times.