When I'm President King part XXIV

I may have written about this before, if so I apologize to those have heard it already....
but when I'm President King the advertised sale price of grocery items (specifically the sale tags at the supermarket) will first have multi unit sale prices that are divisible by 2.
Ie: 2 for $10. I'm not going to even make them put a single unit price on something, I'm a fair guy. But we can all easily tell that the price per unit is $5. Even 4 for $5 is ok, (that's a buck and a quarter, easy enough) But when I see 7 for $13 or some random retarded fraction, fuck that. I shouldn't be forced to do algebra to find out how much my gaddamn cottage cheese is costing me. (sorry to those of my readers who may be retarded, nothing personal)
What brings this on tonight?
I was in the store and I passed through the chip eisle and saw that a brand of chips I happen to like was on sale....2 for the price of 1. The price of one being $3.98 a bag...so roughly $2, not a bad price I guess and easy enough to figure out how much it's going to cost me.
So....I happen to cruise by the "fresh" salsas (the kind they keep refrigerated) they have a brand I kind of like, which is unusual in this Wonderbread town, and it's on sale....3 for $5...damnit!...that's what, $1.67 each? Not bad I guess...then I happen to look at the salsa next to it....it looks kind of good too...but it is some other random fucking fraction.
Hmm...
So I think I'll get a little more clarity on this by looking at the fine print that
gives the price per ___...
Not much help there because the first tag says __ $ per ounce, the one next to it __$ per pound and the third brand? __$ per quart.
Ok, I was almost fine until I saw that last one.
Per quart? Really?
Why give me the price per quart? Who knows what a quart of salsa is? Who buys a quart of fucking salsa for personal consumption? What the hell am I doing with that much salsa...drinking it? Pouring it on cereal for fucks sake?
It is absurd to try to compare these 3 measurements. They may as well try to sell it to me in seconds per hectare. How the fuck am I supposed to compare a weight measurement with a volume measurement? Why not throw the per square inch price? Hey, why not go fucking metric with this bitch?! 3 euros per kilometer or some shit....
What the hell?
Nobody ever buys a fucking quart of salsa for personal consumption. What does a quart of salsa even look like?
What really annoys me is the obsfucation.
Why do you have to try to confuse me as a consumer? How about giving me clear information that will let me make an informed choice, fuckers?
It's not just obsfucation, it's unnecessary...do they think we'll just get all flustered and buy 5 for the price of 9 or something?
When I'm President King you will be able to look at a block of cheese or whatever and say, "OK, this one costs eleven cents per pound more than the other, but it's a higher quality product"
Or the reverse, "fuck that, the shitty cheese is 8 cents more per pound than the good stuff?!"
Informed choice without trickery ...is that so unreasonable?
The whole fucking point of having a sale is to increase sales so why not let people feel good about their choice because they have made an informed decision instead of just muddying the water?
I got so annoyed trying to do the math on this shit that I decided to forget the whole thing.
I refuse to pay $43,000 centavos for 7/16 of a decaliter of store bought salsa, I'm not gonna' do it.

I do have to say though..on the way out I happened to catch an awesome deal, the service deli had eleventy-five shmears of 3/4 fat cream cheese (which is soooo much better than 1/2 fat) on 75/15's* of a bagel.
Toasted!

* I was going to throw in some pi and 'squared' type mathematics and shit....but this stupid laptop** doesn't have the keys for that sort of thing)
** I'm going to change the name of 'laptops' when I'm President King.
First: most of the time people do not have them on their laps when they are using them.
Second: 'laptop' sounds vaguely sexual..... which is soooo stupid because if you are using a laptop in a sexual way (Internet porn? Heard of it?Anyone? Oh right, it's just me.) then the last place you want that fucking thing is on your lap)
I'm just saying.