Frickin' Wal Mart

I had to go into Wal Mart.
I know, I know. Please in lieu of sending me flowers please make a donation to your favorite charity.

I needed to buy a blender (I am going to start serving margaritas at my desk. I think it will make the sales process more fun for everybody) and some orange juice.
One brand has slapped all over it's cartons stickers proclaiming that all their oranges are grown in the USA.
This is the worst kind of Juice Jingoism. Oh good, now we don't have to worry about foreign influence on or morning beverage.

Marketing Guy #1: so we put the stickers on right? Then people will know this is a %100 by-God American juice, get it?
Marketing guy#2 : does it taste any better?
MG1: oh hell no! It still tastes like crap....but it's Amurrican crap.
MG2: without the influence of islamo-fascists I suppose?
MG1: well, now you're just jumping ahead to the next batch of stickers.

What is it about the mouth breathers in Wal Mart that they can't help but block the isle?

Also if they are going to have "Bring your screaming child to Wal Mart day" could they at least post a sign or something?

I'm not going to make a separate post about this but when I'm President King the supermarket rules will be codified and enforced.
For example: I was stuck in line behind a woman who went through the express self check.
She decided that she would write a check.
ENH! wrong answer.
The correct answer is "debit card" that's right debit card.
Then her OCD kicked in and she had to write the check for an even amount....and then dig around in her purse for the coins.
oooh another wrong answer.
At this point her transaction should have been automatically voided and then sent over to a regular check stand.
When she went up to the lady running the self check to get her cash back....you read that right, she got cash back!
At that moment I made a sacred vow to myself that if she had coupons I would have to kill her. It's called culling the herd people and sometimes it must be done.

So there you have the negative part of my shopping experience.
Here's the good news.
My local Wal Mart is in the running for the scariest greeter in the state....to be honest I really think we might be able to ride this guy to the Nationals.
He had his nose plugged into an oxygen generator....because as you know Wal Mart is a low oxygen environment.
But the clincher is his having a hook for a hand.
Oh yeah. Not one of these wimpy new-fangeled things that looks like a hand. Nope, ole' boy is rocking an old-school metal opposable hook.

If your job is to wave hello to people and make them feel good about entering the store isn't a metal hook the best way to go about that?

Good luck at the Nationals buddy!