When I was a kid I kicked my uncles ass one time

That title is totally misleading and inaccurate.
Let me clarify.
First, the misleading part. My uncle is only about a year and a half older than I am. By saying that I kicked his ass it makes it seem as if I was a tough little kid who somehow took on a grown-ass man.He was bigger than me though.

I was small for my age...
This is a picture of me playing football. Not to sound pedantic but can I explain an artistic concept? Foreshortening is when things closer to the viewer appear larger and things in the background smaller. So why the fuck am I closer to the camera and yet I look so much smaller?
I always joke that I was the smallest kid in my class...except for one Asian girl. I was also the smartest kid in my class...except for that same goddamn Asian girl. This led to me getting into a lot of fights...but that's another Oprah.
(By the way, at what age do they stop saying you're small for your age? I mean you never hear somebody say "how old is that guy? 36? Wow, he's small for his age!"
'Little People' don't count...I guess if I saw a guy who was totally normal and fully formed..but he was the size of a baby, I might say, "He's small for his age"
Yeah right!
I'd say, "holy jumping Jesus did you see that baby sized man?!")
But I digress.
Second. The thing about the title that is inaccurate is that I said I kicked his ass one time. I actually did it plenty of times. We used to scrap all the time. Usually I'd be on the losing end...but somehow that never once stopped me from throwing down.

I want to talk about one time in particular.

I'll tell you right now, the point of this story isn't the fact that I kicked his ass, the point of the story is that I said one of the stupidest things I have ever said...which compelled me to kick his ass.

We were arguing about something.
Look. We were best pals, like brothers. If anybody said shit to either one of us they had to deal with the Miller Boys collectively. Michael and Mark would happily fuck up your world...but we kept our skills sharp by battling each other.
So we are going at it about something and he pushes my last button and I snap and smash my fist into an Etch A Sketch and crack the shit out of it.
He runs over and looks at his smashed Etch A Sketch and he says, "how stupid can you be?!"

Hey, look...Ok...what had happened was...
I meant to say " not as stupid as you"
But what I actually said?
"Stupider than you!"
People.
"Stupider than you"?
That got the poor boys ass stomped.

And he didn't even say it!