Market forces and whatnot

I have been job hopping lately and I don't much like it. I can always get a job but it's a matter of will it be profitable.
The situation with the housing market sort of took all the fun out of being a loan officer.
I went back to selling cars but even selling the best product at the best store didn't do much to help the fact that the automotive market was the only consumer segment to show negative growth last quarter.
Oops.
So, I decided to sell one of the most recession proof things I could think of: cell phones.
You may cut back on eating out or the deluxe cable package, but nobody is shutting off their cell phone.
Nobody.

So I'm sure I'll have all kinds of anecdotes to share. Don't worry, no matter where I go I see something funny.

I used to think that I hate people. I mean, lets be frank, I don't have a terribly high opinion of my fellow man. But I realized recently, I don't hate people, I just hate when they don't conform to my standards of normal behavior.
This is an interesting insight because up until now I haven't been able to make sense of the fact that I have this general animosity for people yet I love working with the public.
I'm trying to have fun with this job because it's kind of a step backwards in terms of career development, my skill set is far beyond what the job actually calls for. This gives me the ability to be more relaxed and have some fun.

I like messing with people and I have a phenomenal poker face. I can say the most absurd things in the most plausible manner. Sometimes when people say" are you kidding?" I say yes but I use the exact same straight face. This then causes them to wonder if I'm joking now or if I was really joking before.
This older woman comes in with a phone so old it has a fucking rotary on it.
Ok maybe not that old but still in cell phone years this thing is an antique. The cell phone market is like computers, almost as soon as you buy it it's yesterday's news. In cell phone years (like dog years?) this thing is old as John McCain.
I upgrade her phone and I take it to the back to transfer all her contacts from the old phone to the new one. I come back out and I hold her shiney new-hotness phone in one hand and her old- brokeness phone in the other.
I hold the new phone aloft and proudly say "I have taken all the contacts from here" dramatic little shake of the phone, "and moved them to here" dramatic little shake of the old phone.
She looks bewildered, "don't you mean the other way around?"
"Nope, I took them from here" I beam with pride as I show her her new phone, "and I moved them all here" again proudly brandishing the wrong phone.
Partially what sells this joke is that I am wearing a name tag that, in addition to my name, says "in training" It may as well say "I be an retarded"
I let her dangle a bit before taking her off the hook and saying "naw, here's your new phone, you're all set"

I had another customer come back after she had already gotten her new phone and I had taken the old one to the back. She said she needed to get her old phone because she forgot to get her memory card out of it.
Me: unfortunately it's already been chipped
Her: chipped?
Me: yeah, chipped. Have you ever seen when they cut down a tree and then they toss the branches into a giant chipper? Well we have a new program that is very "green" and exciting.
We toss the old phones into the chipper and then the pieces are recycled into various consumer goods. Park benches and stuff I think.
Her: so you're saying that my old phone has been destroyed?
Me: not at all, I'm saying it's been recycled. Maybe one day your kids will play on a slide made out of your old phone!
Her: but I need that memory card!
Me: oh it's right here.
and I produce the memory card.
she smiled at me. "you didn't throw my phone into a chipper did you?"
Me : no...it's more like a "cardboard box" than a chipper