Uni doesn't sleep ...it waits

Ever since Cindy and I had The Uni Incident uni has become a catch-all reference for things horrible and disgusting.
Recently we were talking about how much we really want to trick others into eating it....I think if we can get enough people to do it we will be able to spread the hate exponentially and eventually I will design a t shirt that says "I ate uni" with a little pictograph of a guy making a "hyuk!" face. I'll sell them on my website www.iateuni.hyuk.com.
It's a dream...
I was discussing my plan to try to trick my co-workers into eating it. I've been going to lunch all week with the same three people and I think I may have earned just enough trust to get at least one of them to try this abomination.
Cindy told me that I should tell them it's an aphrodisiac. I said yeah because after you manage to choke the stuff down you yell out "Fuck Me!" Cindy said, "no it's an aphrodisiac because after having that shit in your mouth bodily fluids are nothing"
She commented that uni tastes like ass, I said "actually it tastes like an ass that someone wiped with an even dirtier ass" then remarkably the conversation actually devolved from there.
You may be wondering how it could have gotten worse but I am going to be merciful and spare you the details.

In other Cindy related news I got a new phone.
Which doesn't directly relate to her ....yet.

I was playing with my new super high-tech-cool-ass phone....and frankly it was infuriating me.
All I wanted to do was send a text message and I could not make the thing behave. I hadn't figured out this predictive text thingy it has and so I was trying to write "goodnight" and it thought maybe I was trying to say something about ghosts. It reminded me of talking to a person who is:
1) insanely obsessed with trying to predict what you're going to say next
and
2) very bad at it
So you say, "hey the other day I was out in the woods and I saw"
and before you can finish the sentence the person says
"the Pope shitting?!"
What? NO!
(by the way that was an extremely obscure Steve Martin reference and anybody who can tell me where that comes from gets a severely abused vinyl copy of "Lets get small")
So it thought I wanted to talk about ghosts instead of simply saying goodnight to Cindy.
Fucking great.
It has all kinds of quirks.
Oh and ? This is an unapologetic phone.
Literally.
I can not get this thing to type the word "sorry".
It may make me more of an asshole because I'm about to give the fuck up on trying to say
"I'm sorry." I'm just going to be all "I ain't apologizing for shit...'cause my phone won't let me."
But you know what? The phone learned the word "fuck" and all it's various permutations very quickly. Who didn't see that coming?
Oh, also, when I try to type the word "go" it defaults first to "ho" so sometimes if I am texting too fast I suggest to a friend that she should "ho" instead of "go".
Not good.
It's similar to T9 texting, but with wider predictive abilities. I gave up on T9. It was even more fucking weird and random than this phone.
When I complained about the capriciousness of T9 to Cindy she told me to
"put on your big girl panties and learn T9 already"
Gotta love Cindy she can be a real peach sometimes.
Thanks Peaches.