Uzo and Uni or why you should never eat foods begining with the letter U. Part One

You're "you" every day, right?
You're never not "you".
But... do you ever feel that some days you are more "you"?

Or maybe a more perfect you?

I had a great weekend.
And, for the most part, I felt like a "more perfect me".

Cindy came to see me this weekend.
We were going to hang out and watch Superbad and the next day we were going to go to Old Colorado City and and hit up this big shindig at Jake and Telly's and then go antiquing.
Lets address the antiquing thing...I know it may sound supergay or pussywhipped on my part to say I enjoy it..but the reality is I have always found cool stuff in antique stores...
this one we went to Sunday had a bunch of blocks from a printing press, how cool is that? Also....if you kinda have a crush on someone or if you just started dating? Antiquing involves a lot of standing close to each other to look at something and it's usually close quarters so lots of chances to brush up against someone. It can become this little game that you play, sort of a seduction...if the person you're with wants you to see something , it's an easy excuse for leaning on her, putting your hand on her hip...
So. Fuck it, I am totally cool with antiquing and I will punch anybody in the face who says otherwise...
although, after a day of antiquing I do have to come home and watch some old UFC tapes to detox...
Anyway.
Cindy shows up and we decide to go get sushi.
Cindy is like me in that we are both very willing to try new things and she had only had sushi one other time so it seemed like a good idea.
Ok, so we go to the sushi bar and I order up a bunch of shit and Cindy says "order uni"
...I feel I should take some responsibility, I was thinking of sea urchin roe which is kind of like any other roe. But uni? It's the fucking sea urchin itself.
So we get our stuff and I'm acting like the experienced sushi jerk: showing her how to mix the wasabi into the soy sauce and pontificating about yellowfin...all the while using the kiddie chopsticks because I can't use regular ones because of the plate in my wrist. Pretty ridiculous, I know but we were having fun.
Then a guy walks in and sits at the bar. He seems to know everybody and is acting all "Mr. Bigshot"
Cindy says, "Hey, lets play, "what does that guy do?"
I say "Ok...you go first"
She muses for a second and then says, "restaurant critic"
That's not a bad call!
He has the demeanor of someone who feels like an insider at a restaurant.
He is fat...yet kind of stylish...hmm, just might be a restaurant critic.

I should mention something.
I have this synergistic thing where on a normal day I will say almost anything to anybody...but if I am with a person who is a catalyst for me?
I most definitely will say anything. Cindy is one of those catalyst people for me.
For example on Sunday we were walking along and she sees this dog and she says, "is that a Labradoodle?" I shrugged my shoulders and she said, "ask him what kind of dog that is." Normally I wouldn't have, what do I care what kind of dog he has? But she told me to, so I asked the guy what kind of dog it is and he said, "a Golden-Doodle"
Which seems stupid to me.
I think if you have a Golden Retriever /Poodle mix you should call it a G'Doodle and you have to say it with an Aussie accent like "G'Doodle mate!" because then you'd sound like an Australian Ned Flanders. Maybe when I'm President King.

So she says, "I dare you to go find out what he does."
So I head to the bathroom and I make extended, annoying eye contact with the guy.
Then on my way back I do a fake double-take and say, "I'm sorry, I feel as if I know you from somewhere...what do you do for a living?"
He says " I'm a restaurateur I own &*^%&* in Colorado City"
I didn't hear what restaurant he owned...but I thought Cindy was pretty damn close, not a restaurant critic, just an owner...I gave her the win on that one.

So...as far as the uni?
You know how some stuff tastes like something else like smells?
I think uni tastes the way horse manure smells.
Cindy thinks that it tastes the way baby shit smells. (it definitely looks like baby shit poured on top of a California roll)
I blame the waitress. When we ordered the uni she egged us on. She was all, "It's an acquired taste....but it's my favorite."
Then when we actually put this shit in our mouths?
After the initial shock of finding I had put something that tastes like manure in my mouth I just swallowed like a motherfucker. I don't know why, but Cindy had to battle through and chew the shit.
The waitress came over...she saw what was happening and was kinda like, in a really absurd cartoony japanese accent "oh no! She going to be sick? She look barfy! I'm here white girl, you can do it!"
It was one half cheerleader...one half "I'm so going to laugh if this bitch pukes"
So we stomached down the fucking uni and headed back to my place to wash our mouths out with bleach and watch the movie.

The whole 'trying new things' bit us on the ass where the uni is concerned.