The rapid decline, or why can't I just get a cold?

I am really fucking annoyed right now. Even more than when I had my mini
road–rage incident the other night..

When I was fat I had high blood pressure. The Dr. wanted to do blood work, get me on meds etc. I said "forget that, I'll get it in line with diet and exercise." He said "everybody says that. No one does it". Yeah, well you don't know me very well, Dr. Nick.

So fast forward almost 2 years. I weigh about 30 pounds less, my stamina and energy levels are off the chart, I look better than I have in 15 years and I have high blood pressure.

Fuck!

I am just flat out annoyed by this development. The Dr. gives me these pills to take. I look at the little sheet of paper that comes with it. It's a diuretic.
Oh that's priceless. I am already peeing more frequently than a little girl in a Cool-Aid drinking contest. (sorry for the tortured metaphor )
Since I had kidney stones 18 months ago (yes kidney stones, I never get the flu or a cold or anything, just stuff that invloves surgery and things with names like "The Silent Killer")
I drink a lot of water already. Then I moved to dry-ass Colorado and I drink more water. I have constant chapped lips as it is…I'm already borderline "ashey"…now this?
Come on.
What the hell is going on? I eat like I'm training for the Tour De France, I'm in the gym so frequently you'd think they pay my salary…now this?
I know what is going on and I am dead set against it.
My body is acting as if I am 37 years old.
Which I am…but still…what kind of crap is that? So now I get to go have
blood work done!
Fasting?
Needles?
Great!
I asked if we could do an hiv test while we were there...I am a single guy...if I ever trick a woman into sleeping with me again it would be nice to be able to bust out with a pedigree "see I'm clean on the inside too". She asked if I wanted to do a hep- c & b , I said no I never sucked Tommy Lee's dick ...
I did tack Pammy ( that was my pet name for her) but way before Tommy soiled her...

I left her office with 3 prescriptions….one for my high blood pressure, one for my insomnia and one for my migraines….she didn't offer to prescribe anything for my Ennui...oh I forgot to mention, I diagnosed myself with Ennui...Cindy confirmed the diagnosis and prescribed a Nuprin...I don't know if that will do the trick....(Jebus, that joke is so inside it's sitting next to my mutinious kidney saying ' the fuck you lookin' at pinche guero kidney?') ( and of course THAT had to contain an inside joke...2 of them!)

I'm seeing a pattern here…I may be a little bit high strung…I'm starting to suspect I may be a little too intense...great, I think the Dr. telling me my blood pressure is high has caused my blood pressure to go up...

And I am really starting to suspect I may not live forever…

ok...I have an up-date.
Further proof of my rapid decline.
I just got pink-eye!
What fucking grade am I in? Really?
I walked into the Urgent Care with my sunglasses on.
"Can I help you?"
I whip the glasses off
"Yes, I think something is wrong with my eyes"
(that almost got a laugh)
what is next? Mono?Thrush?
jesus fucking christo
how is it possible that I look this good and feel this bad?